Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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