I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
