I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
