In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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