using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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