Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
