I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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