Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
