Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
and she was petting her beer can
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
