I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Who wears a wallet chain?!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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