I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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