I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I could fuck to npr.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
