Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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