She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
