i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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