I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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