bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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