I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
