I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
