i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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