i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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