so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
