dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
