My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
