I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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