go do what you do best...puke behind churches
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
