Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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