i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
