do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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