In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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