Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Your cock deserves a montage
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
