made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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