remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
