i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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