ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
