And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
