Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
