my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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