Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
