I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad