I'm going to jail i love you
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
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I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
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James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon