Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later