apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you inspire me to be a worse person
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....