sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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