no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
