So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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