Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
