i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
