After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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