is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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