I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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