Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
