Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
