Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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