plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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