I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
