i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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