So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
