When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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