Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
