I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
