Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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