Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
