Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
