I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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