he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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