Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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