just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
