forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
