booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
