I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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